


Remorse

by Mazen



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: F/M, Slightly Out Of Character, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23409118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mazen/pseuds/Mazen
Summary: Christine confronts Erik with the death of Joseph Buquet and Erik reacts unexpectedly.
Relationships: Christine Daaé/Erik | Phantom of the Opera
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tumblr prompt: E/C with Erik saying "I've never killed anyone before"

"How could you do it?" Christine yelled into the passive masked face as Erik came to take her underground. "I know it's you who did it, I heard about the noose around his neck!" 

Erik stood still in front of her, more like a statue than a man of blood and bone. But his eerie silence, his lack of denial, just cemented her accusation. Tears that had nothing to do with anger began to blur her vision. How could he do this? She knew he was dangerous, she had suspected it from the moment he had shown himself to her, but she had never actually imagined that he would kill someone in the opera.

The rumours about the Phantom of the Opera were exaggerated, of that she was sure. The cast and crew used the Opera Ghost as an excuse for every little thing gone wrong. He had never truly hurt anyone. At least that's what she believed until now. Poor Buquet! 

Erik still hadn't moved, not even with tears trailed down her cheeks and she sat down on the divan to calm herself. He stood there frozen, uncaring, and it angered her immensely. How dare he take a life? 

"When you revealed that you weren't the Angel of Music, I forgave you because you were just a man. But now I know your true identity: you're a monster!" She spat at him, wishing her words would affect him, though she doubted it. He truly didn't care about anyone other than himself. 

How much time passed as he passively watched her cry, she did not know. She expected to be hauled away at any moment; her feeble emotions didn't fit his agenda, so why should he care for them? 

It was unexpected when he fell to his knees at the edge of the moment and lifted his mask to reveal tears not unlike her own streaming down his hideous face. A sob escaped him before he lowered his face to the floor, as though he attempted to bury himself in the old carpet.

The scene was so shocking - and pathetic - that she didn't know how to react. Her own tears dried as she sat and watched her tall, imposing mentor dissolve into nothing more than a ball of elegant clothes with a little poor excuse of a man inside. Her heart begged for her to go to him and comfort him, but her brain told her to stay put. He was a stone cold killer. Wasn't he? 

His sobbing didn't falter at any point and it reminded her so much of a small child that she finally relented and went to him. Carefully, she laid her hand on his shoulder to let him know that she was present, but it only caused him to jerk away from her. "Do---don't tou...touch me!" he stammered between his sobs, lifting a frightened eye to convey the seriousness of his message. "I am a monster, I am not worthy."

She was surprised by the way he spoke the words so intensely. It wasn't the first time he had said this. But she wouldn't feel sympathy for this man, not when he had killed. "Will you turn yourself into the gardames?" 

He laughed then, a bitter and self depicting laugh that there was nothing funny about. "No, no man deserves to look at a face like mine. I've already tainted your beautiful eyes…" She huffed slightly at his poor excuse. Of course he wouldn't take any responsibility for his actions. "Erik will kill himself. He should have done so many years ago."

Her gasp was impossible to keep inside. He had spoken with such conviction that she had no doubt he would do it. To her horror he dragged himself up and entered the passage in the mirror. He did not even intend to say goodbye. She scrambled to her feet and grabbed the mirror edge before he managed to close it completely. "Wait, you cannot mean this!" 

His determined eyes met hers and the resolve in the mismatched orbs was undeniable. "I have never been so sure of anything in my life," he started to reach out to her face, but stopped himself. "except my love for you." He shook his head once, as to shake the thought from his mind. "I've never killed anyone before. I hadn't known it would feel so… wrong. Not even my feelings for you can swallow up the guilt inside."

Christine's eyes were wet again, but this time she let the sympathy for him free. "What happened with Buquet?" Erik cringed visibly at the mention of his name and several moments passed before he replied. 

"He surprised me. In a private moment. And he saw my face…" His features crumbled and he hid it in his hands. "I thought he would be scared, that he would just have another story to share about the terrible Phantom, but instead he… he leered. And he laughed. Pointed at my distorted face and accused me of being a sorry creature who belonged in a freakshow!" His words turned to a hiss as he looked at the ceiling, yelling, "I won't go back there!" 

Christine's heart ached. Erik had been at a freakshow. All because of his looks? It must've triggered him to be reminded of it. 

"But… the worst part is," he continued, voice broken with something more than remorse, "he was right. I punished him… KILLED him for telling the truth. But I will not go back to the freakshow and even that is too good for me now." He clenched his fists so hard that Christine saw every tendon in his hands. "I do not belong in Heaven anyway. I'm sure the Devil will welcome my early arrival in Hell."

He turned from her completely, hanging his head low. "I'm glad to have met you, Angel. I regret hurting you, deceiving you, but I cannot regret having loved you. Goodbye, Christine." 

With those words he left her at the entrance to the mirror, her heart breaking for the man who had changed her life in many ways. 


End file.
